Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Who Needs Stienbeck?

Of Mice and Men Woman

Dear Universe,
Please tell all the mice that live on our property that my car is not the place they should be. It is a pristinely clean car. There is no food in there for them, not even crumbs. They couldn't even use dust, because it is vacuumed so often dust never has a chance to light. There is nothing for them to tear up for a nest. The only things in this car are an umbrella and a CD case. Food? There is a whole 20 acres for them to forage on, with plenty of corn in the woods that I'm sure the deer and raccoons wouldn't mind sharing. There's plenty of bird seed in the bird area in front of the house. Indoor space? Yep, we've got that too. There is perfectly nice shed which boasts a warm cozy interior with a couple bags of bird seed and corn inside. If they prefer more upscale living, I'd suggest the shop. It is spacious, with high ceilings, climate control, food and paper towel for nesting. It's a virtual paradise for mice.

My car, dear mice, is not a safe place for you. Two of your brethren have met their demise in my car. You see, call me prejudice, but I simply do not want your kind in my car. Therefore it is up to Mr. Wonderful to dispose of any of you who make their way into my vehicle.  Mr. Wonderful is extremely adept at setting mice traps, and not the humane ones either. These are neck breakers. He doesn't fool around when something upsets his wife. He has one in there now jaws wide open, with mouth-watering peanut butter inside. It's just waiting for some poor unsuspecting mouse to try and steal a bite.

Seriously, why would they want to abide in a mobile home which is a known death trap, when they could lively happily in a shop?

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