Tuesday, September 6, 2011

You might be an artist if...

You’re familiar with Jeff Foxworthy’s “You might be a redneck if…” jokes right?  No, I’m not a redneck, but have you ever thought of how odd artists might seem to others?  Try this one on for size:
You might be an artist if, you start looking at broken bits of lobster shells and wondering how you could use them in a collage.

True?  Afraid so my friends.  We had steak and lobster the other night.  It was the first time I’ve ever bought any or boiled them at home.  We decided that would be the thing to have for a dinner over the Labor Day weekend. Well, let me clarify that, the men in my family decided this was a good idea, as long as the price wasn’t too far out in left field. I am strongly out-numbered and I don’t even eat seafood. But hey, I’m a good sport, so I proceeded to our local grocery store, went back to the seafood section and looked at those little beady eyes and long antennas while squelching a shiver. Then I calmly asked the clerk how much they were. 12.95 He said.  Well I thought, that’s a good deal, I know what they cost in restaurants, as the guys have had them before. I told the man I’d take two.  He grabbed two of the creepy critters and walked away with them.  A couple minutes later he returned and handed me 2 boxes.  I said, “Oh, no I ordered lobster.”  “Yes ma’am,” he replied giving me a really strange look.  “You mean they are in those boxes?”  “Yes ma’am.” “But where’s the water? I may not eat them, but I know they have to be alive when you boil them, which kills them so that you eat them. Weird, but I know how this works I thought. This is where my son walks up, turning fifty shades of red as he takes the boxes from the baffled clerk. “Mom, what do you think they are going to do, give you a tank to take them home in? he whispered. “Aren’t you supposed to put them in a bag of water like when you buy fish at the pet store?” I responded with a huff.  Number one son rolls his eyes so far back, I’m sure they will be permanently stuck in the back of his head, and then informs me that the lobsters will be fine in these boxes.  By this time the other patrons of the seafood department had overhead and they were laughing. Not quietly either. Shocker number two came at the checkout line when I was given the total.  I walked away looking at the receipt and the light of dawn set in.  Those little beady eyed monsters that the men in my family wanted to devour were not 12 dollars a piece.  They were 12 dollars a pound.  Oops, I wonder if darling husband will think that was a fair price. Too late now, they better not die in those boxes on the way home either!

Now you must understand, I am a reasonably intelligent college graduate.  But like I said, I do not eat seafood, never have. Besides, I’m from Indiana, what the heck would I know about lobsters? On the other hand, I’m quite knowledgeable about corn, pigs and horses.  The boys had quite a laugh over this, so have all our friends who just had to hear all about it from my boys. 

I was fascinated as I watched the whole boiling process.  Those things really did survive being out of water for about 45 minutes and when cooked they were the most gorgeous color of pink.  I still think those pieces of shell would have been great on a collage.

You were looking for pieces of lobster shells weren't you?